Is it Activism or not?

There a many times I see Issues beyond my countries borders that make my heart sink for the victims and it always makes me feel helpless that I can only do so much, especially in terms of politics and age old issues that I and outsider would be arrogant to put myself into. But then I look at issues that directly affect me, those in my area, and those in the country of my parents. Many times I've been told that my views, my voice would be better heard off the internet, that spreading the word to millions of people I don't know is pointless and not real activism or awareness. The internet has granted us such an array of massive, and instant, communication as it has changed the way we speak to each other. So naturally it has become an outlet for those who formally hard a hard time having a voice. 

Were it not for social media like Blogspot, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook and all their relations many people with similar ideas, views, and beliefs would probably have never been influenced, met the people they have, or even be aware of to make of what's going on in the world around. Let alone knowing you are not alone in the matter. Those few of you who probably pass by my blog know that I am very anti-racist, hold strong womanist (Black feminist) views, have a very liberated with sexual topics, and don't tolerate anti-LGBTQA issues. Through years of coming out of H.S. it was very much an uphill battle of figuring out who I am (and I'm still learning but I've come far), learning and dealing with the racist, sexist, and intraracist world that so threatened to crush me. Sometimes dealing with the fact that the people closest to you either don't understand, see no issues, or flat out don't care can make one feel disgruntled to say the least. A long time friend of mine, though we don't always see eye to eye, said me "You have such strong ideals but you don't do enough with it, the blogging, it doesn't do enough for those who are out there living." While I have made my contributions physically I know this kind of thing......never has an ending if that makes sense. There will always be injustice out there. Even before they brought it up I've always thought about it "Am I really doing anything?". I look at some of the people I've looked up to see myself, not everyone is an activist and not everyone an be. I see no fame nor glory but I want to be the change I want to see. I don't think I'll ever be that person who just happened to be doing the right thing at the right time as I see those who inspire me. 

I look at social media that has brought a sense of togetherness that helped me deal with prejudice I am facing in on campus, or work, the many times I'd face misogynistic encounters or harassment, and how they affect me depending what comment came from White man, Black man, or other Men of Color. Dealing with offensive bottom feeders that threatened the well being of those I care about be they gay, queer, trans, asexual, and disabled. Beauty standards and how I dealt growing up as a fat kid with congenital scoliosis, when my own countries leaders rather have a child born but not taken care of. Even my passions such as literature have a long standing stature of prejudice towards many of us despite peddling the worst stories I've ever had the displeasure of reading, and my goals of being apart of change that is literary publishing. All of that, I've been able to talk to, view, and relate to through the means of the internet and social media. Many movements and awareness of issues have been made known through outlets such at these. Through bloggers who've put their time and dedication into writing. I thank them all.

Maybe I'm letting their words get to me, or maybe I'm really not doing enough.....I still haven't found the answer. I do think that out there, within the public there is definitely a need for a voice but the need for internet social justice is very much needed as well. I dunno, these are the thoughts I keep in the back of my head until I have important to do. Whatever course I take, I know I'll keep fighting some way.

I'm not dead so there's more things to come

2013 has been such.....taxing year for me and I'm finally starting to pick up the pieces. I got a new job that is good enough to keep me stable as a student can be, which brings me up to the fact that I've been planning on transferring schools. The applications have been paid and all I need to do send over the paperwork, however it will be a taxing few years paying off my old school. Hopefully I'll be starting in the fall. Word of advice private schools suck you don't have a full scholarship. Just stay away...

The end of year has been the year of me experimenting with my looks. I took a leap and bleached my hair, initially I actually wanted to get it professionally done but working part time and having financial responsibilities hinders plans thus lead me to choice of doing it myself. After doing practically a month of research, via Tumblr and Youtube, I bought myself a 30 volume cream developer, 2 packs of powdered bleach, an application brush, gloves, and plastic caps. My goal was to get a nice orange blonde color at the shaft to the tips and made sure my hair was well oiled a few days before to not over process the hair. It took over an hour and half to fully get everything and I'm glad I bought 2 packs of bleach since I basically used it all up. Granted the back isn't as light at the front but it's not too noticeable without closer inspection. The end result is actually quite pretty and now I"m considering doing my whole head and maybe even try pastel colors lilac. Bleach is harsh and it means I will have to moisturize my hair twice as much if I want to retain length, and keep my ends protected to get longer. This pic is of a simple stretch of a few days wearing chunky twist. It's about a 3 inches longer when blow dried and I hope I can get it past shoulder length by next year.

I have been working on a few reviews and hope will most likely be be getting them out to you by tonight, I'm determined this year to get a review out at least every week but there may be day when it takes two weeks. As for the stories I've been writing will come at sporadic dates. I hate to be inconsistent but I have so many idea but lacked the drive (and someday still do) to start or complete them. No one is going to write them but me and I have only myself to blame for not being as productive as I should be. Like the books I review many will be of the romance or erotica ("romantica" if you like both) but I do have a large project with Master of Shadows, which I have not stopped writing. Also I've gotten back into drawing comics, you blame my love for manga and new chapters of Junjou Romantica for that.

Be on the look out for reviews I will be doing on some of my favorite authors such as Lena Mathews, Eve Vaughn, and Bridget Midway. See you soon.

Love Script: Deluxe Edition by Tiffany Ashley

Love Script is a contemporary, interracial romance where the bulk of events take place on a passenger cruise ship. For those of you wonder why this is a "deluxe" edition, Ashley has stated that this version adds on 40 more pages than the original and goes more into scenes that took place. This theme is what I call "Fake relationship", where the hero/heroine finds someone they're usually unlikely to date personally and use them to pose as their partner, for some some form of approval. Usually family or superiors. The trope is that the hero/heroine usually end up falling in love with the other as the story progresses, and their polar personalities become something they've never dealt with before.

Laney Parks, a disgruntled graphic designer for a financial company. Though she's been a very hard worker for Sinclair Corp. her achievements go unnoticed due to her superior Mary-Knight, who tends to put all her work and mistakes on Laney. Her career isn't progressing the way she had hoped, but she manages to survive her days because of her loving boyfriend Robert "Rob" Smith III and her best friend and neighbor Daniel "Danny" Rush. Laney awaits a cruise her and Rob are set to go on in a week from the beginning of the book. She feels that Rob is the best man she can ever hope for and even moved to her place of living, San Francisco, to be with him. Her boyfriend Rob however doesn't seem to trust her around Danny though he is a gay man, and constantly fight when in the presence of each other. As Laney takes her vacation for the cruise, she decides to stop by Rob's house to surprise him after work. They have a trusting relationship to the point of even owning each other's home keys. However Laney comes in to discover Rob in bed with his coworker. As you can imagine all hell breaks loose, so Laney decides to avoid Rob and take the cruise by herself. What she did not know was the proposition that would be given to her.  I'm not gonna lie, I thought the name Mary-Knight was one those outrageous romance novel names you'd never see anywhere else and found myself laughing at the first. It didn't really sit well with me that Rob's explanation for cheating was "Nina and I were saying goodbye", this man was cheating for the bulk of the bulk of their relationship and had the nerve to think that would be a good excuse.

Nicolas "Nick" Sinclair, a silver spoon child and young CEO of Sinclair Corp (as taken over from his father). Not one to be turned down so easily, Nick tells a potential client of his wife and agrees to accompany the client, William Zelman, on a cruise ship in order to seal the deal of combining his company with Zelman. Problem is, Nick is isn't married and doesn't plan to be anytime soon. Within is social circle Nick is well known to be a notorious playboy and known to break hearts. After deceiving Zelman about his "wife", Nick comes with a plan to keep the lie going, for as long as it takes to make the merger that is. His long time lover, Kim, refuses his take part in the farce because of her deep feelings for Nick and confesses her love for him. Nick  makes the rash decision of randomly choosing Laney to be his faux-wife after bumping into her on the ship. She agrees to be his pretend wife, in return she is paid for her services and given a promotion.

For me Love Script did feed my personal need that goes with these deception romanticas. I say romantica because though it presents itself as largely erotic, the book goes very much into the emotions of each protagonist. I loved the progression of the story such as Laney actually being quite a favorite of those she encountered on the ship, as well as Nick's slowly growing possessiveness of Laney. One of my biggest critiques of this story was Nick's promiscuity. As much as I hate slut-shaming, Nick's nonchalant attitude with sex was a bit uncomfortable. When Laney refuses offer of sex he goes to find a random woman, while giving him oral sex, his mind drifts to Laney and he could not rise to task. A lot of the time he seemed not to care whether or not he's even wearing a condom, even when sleeping with Laney. The super dominant heros can be sexy I will admit but there were scenes that shocked me. It really wasn't necessary to have Nick force Laney into some sexual encounters. I'd hate say it but that is a declaration of rape.

Laney, while she reminds me a lot of traits I carry, seemed to wait too long to stand up for herself. She let most of the people she knew walk on top of her, and only decided to stand up to Nick when he told her he had no intentions of making their fake relationship real. Her best friend Danny, while entertaining, seemed to only be added in as the "GLBT comic relief". His sole purpose was to be the sassy (while not an ultra fem gay man) side kick who pushes Laney to stand up for herself. There is little said about his past and no character development.

As the story went along the Zelmons, including Vivian Zelmon, were quite the characters. One would think authors would portray those of old wealth to be stuck up and bored with conversations of those "beneath" them. I applaud Ashley on the character development of the secondary characters such as the Zelmons and Cooper Wright.

Cooper, who serves as Nick's rival, not only seeks the same goal as him but also is in pursuit of Laney. Encounters between the three definitely stir up quite a bit of drama that had me drawn in.

Love Script is definitely a story of epiphanies and those who struggle to do the right thing. The romance and sex scenes left nothing to be desired. I caught myself swooning and looking over my shoulder at each chapter. One thing about erotica/romantica novels is that, many authors tend to go into a repetitive stage with sex scenes, however Ashely did keep it hot yet tasteful. Though I did have some pet-peeves with certain situations that occurred in this story, over all it was an entertaining book and I do recommend it to those who enjoy this genre, however with this review you've probably spoiled yourself. If you still want to read after reading this review, you can find the book here The Cafe gives Love Script: Deluxe Edition 4 stars. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Days of Procrastination, randomness, and oh look Reverse Harem Games!

Keeping track of time is sometihng I suck at with most things, especially with every day mundane task. With that said I won't be having Chapter 1 of Master of Phantoms or Kato RUN (I decided to change the name sue me >: P) until sometime this June. Main reasons why; I'm full-time student who's already behind graduation by a year and one semester, that means endless papers, exams and not to mention studying. When I'm not having mini, mental panic attacks because of an upcoming exam, I'm also looking for internships and a job.......And boy do I need a job. I will keep you updated on whether or not I'll be getting an upcoming job. After all I need to buy essential things,....... like a phone and lolita dresses. Just being honest. As of March I've also been changing my diet due my workout regimen and lifting. Nothing is more awesome then some home cooked Haitian food but it isn't always friendly to the waistline. I've cut down lots of meat in my weekly meals, as well as heavy carbs and replaced with with vegetarian and vegan meals. I am no vegetarian/vegan but I do love enjoy the food and it's been very friendly to my body I might add. Eating differently from my family can cost a bit more and being jobless makes it pretty hard, so there goes another motivation for employment.


As spring classes came to an end, I've had a bit more time to do things that I've wanted, like reading. Drama, thriller, urban fantasy, *cough* smut, romance, high fantasy, non-fiction, just a whole lot of reading. This has also given me a chance to do some drawing. I'm not the best artist in the world but I do love comics and manga, thus what I draw the most. Part of my latest inspiration comes from the fact that I'd like to draw the characters of the stories I'll be posting on this blog. There may be a few racy pics as well. Don't worry I will be scanning them as soon as they're done for all of you to see.

My latest obsession, Otome Games!

 This one in particular:

Don't these gentlemen look so fine! Look at the smug look on the brown haired one, he knows he's a sexy beast.

For those of you not familiar with otome games, these are visual novel games that are targeted towards female audiences (since most are actually for males). A lot of the time main goal is to develop relationships with several guys who have feelings for the main character that you play (and of course a plot that brings it all together). Your decisions can determine your outcome of the game and sometimes change who you end up with. This game, My Forged Wedding by the company Voltage, however lets you choose different situations with different male leads. Let me just say that I am absolutely in love with it. 

You follow the story of the heroine who helps out her uncle in Tokyo, by assisting one of his 5 friends as she looks for a job. What's the favor you ask? Well to be their pretend wife for whatever reason of course:

Yamato Kougami, the uptight teacher who has quite a dangerous side.

Takamasa Saeki, the no non-sense scriptwriter who has quite the perverted side.

Ren Shibaski, the quite researcher who actually has more to talk about than his research.

Takao Maruyama, the awkward lawyer who can't help but be a hopeless romantic.

Kajima Yuta, the Comedian who's actually more sensitive than he looks.

Each character will show you a bit more about their lives as they grow to like you and even the real reason why they propositioned you as a pretend wife. With that said, this game and other otome games have been my crack for about a month. 

My Forged Wedding is available in English for both Android and Itunes . From May 25th to June 30 the first 5 chapter of 3 men will be available for free. If you want play full stories it cost you a fee of $3.99 for each character. The whole game, including each character story, is pretty worth the price considering how long it is. Also there are after stories for each character for $1.99. So if you're on your break, want a little anime romance to pass the time, or just plain love otome games this is the game for you. 

Even now as I write this, I remember I should be resting for my upcoming interview but here I am talking about my fangirl obsessions and disgustingly high level of procrastination. Your welcome. One thing I can promise it to be more frequent with my post (not too frequent....I still have a life @_@) and hopefully get the stories started as soon as possible. See you soon with more of my slacker life.

My Kinks, Coils, and thoughts

When I first cut my hair in late '10, most of my concern was whether my scalp suffered too much damage. At  time I didn't really care about having long locs of hair to show other that "Black women can grow hair" without the aid weaves, or some sense of showing my "Blackness" through my hair's texture. All I wanted was healthy hair.

Granted, hair is technically dead and treating it as some living organ sounds silly, but there are many ways it can be mistreated it, like I've done over the years due to lack of knowledge and poor advice. My hair eventually started to get shorter, break off from the ends more often, and there were moments of whole patches of hair literally being melted off my scalp by relaxers.

Some ask me "why not just use the natural hair practices while keeping it relaxed?". Well, I have many reasons but the most important ones were that I just didn't feel good using them. The restrictions due to maintenance  the smell of harsh chemicals, and don't even get me started on burning....

Yeah, it feels just like that.

For a long time I didn't even like curls, but at the time curls to me meant the artificial curling iron look. Not the twist-outs of kinky hair, though still a manipulation of hair, can still be soft and done without the use heat or hard gels. I had completely no knowledge of this so you can just imagine the look on my face when coming across this news.

This is one of those moments where I rue the fact that I didn't take more photos of myself during my teen years. I did manage to find one the day I graduated high school. That kinda makes me sad but makes me determined to do different now.

My hair was mostly chin length at this time but split ends is what killed me most >:(

After years of dyes on top of relaxers, my hair started to look and feel less vibrant. Don't get me wrong, I totally loved having X-men Storm white hair, or blue highlights, but if I was going to bleach and dye it one more time on top of the relaxer, I probably would've gone bald. When I cut off my hair, it was definitely an emotional experience. Yes, I was cry if you that's what you're wondering >:P. 

About a few months after the cut

About a year of natural hair. I did a lot of blow out afros. Looking back it was counter productive to me remoisturizing the night before.

2 years natural and I've found a hair routine that works for me. My hair line was actually thinning right before the cut so you can imagine the relief I felt seeing it come back in full force. Notice I've finally gotten my twist-outs down as well. Hair style inspiration courtesy of Angelique Noir.

Lazy photo I took about a few hours ago. Most of the time I like it big whether tied up or loose. I really dig the way it forms waves a few day after wash.

It wasn't easy learning about what works and what doesn't work for hair, I can just be glad to had the web on my side and so many kinky haired bloggers/vloggers at my disposal. 

Two discoveries I've made was that my hair was very fine (as in thin), and a mix of no pattern kinks along with tight coils. The amount my hair shrinks is immense and usually takes a few days after wash to fully stretch out even after a twist out. I must be very gentle with it or it can become very easy for me to rip out hairs, this has set regimen of not using combs for detangling. All fingers man lol. Many of my concerns were maintenance and I was surprised to find out that as time went by it was less of a chore. 

That's not to say I didn't have some tragic hair days (and I definitely had more than one), however the pay out was definitely worth the commitment.

While I do feel this was a life changing experience in many ways, it's just the first of many experiences I will have. Do I have a hair length goal now? Yes, about breast length. Will it get longer? Maybe. However, only time tell on that one. One thing for sure my main goal with hair is for it feel and look healthy.....and have a little fun with it along the way XD.

Blog revamp and other new things

I've been abandoning this blog, I know u.u. However that does not mean I will any longer (unless I have no time of course). Due to school, financial-aid, and a woman named Sallie Mae, I've put a lot of things on the back burner and have been an emotional wreck. Gladly this is behind me and I'm ready go move on with my academic life as well as personal and professional life. 

As of right now this blog with be my motivation to post stories I want to write. There are 2 I will be working on so each will be posted as such. Maybe in the future there will be more, but only time will tell. These stories have been just notes I've been writing here and there. To be honest thought of posting on a public blog has worried me due to the thought of other stealing my ideas, how now that I'm more informed of copyright laws this no longer worries me. 

Edit!!!
Synopsis of the two stories I've written have been removed because of story change and writing process. I will be updating that soon.
04/29/2014

Dilemma with racial stereotypes

When it comes to racial stereotypes I tend to over think somethings......or so my loved ones say.
There are many times I find myself feeling very bothered when I see a person of color living up to negative stereotypes we fight so hard to overcome. Now I don't praise the so called "good" stereotypes because it could actually backfire in some cases. What I'm talking about is when I see a Black woman who's more than overweight yelling at a sales clerk for a register not working, or that Hispanic man who actually is that illegal immigrant working behind the scenes at Home Depot, or even that unattractive Asian guy who's more than just an intelligent nerd but also very anti-social and for some reason does know a martial art, It just makes me think.....you're making the rest of us look bad.

Now I know everyone isn't perfect and it's not fair to look at an individual and make them speak for the rest of us but I can't shake this uneasiness I get when I see it.

Many times my friends would say "You know not all of us are like that, so why feel ashamed when one of us do?", and I can't do anything but agree because they are right. An individual should not represent the whole but in this society and especially American society it's hard to do that and not feel like the majority will see you as that caricature. There are times I see myself not only blaming the majority for being racist and ignorant but sometimes in the back of my head, a voice puts some of the blame on people like me for giving others a reason to think of us that way.

This is a dilemma I've been faced with for years and I'm still trying to break myself of this feeling. I guess I can say today's menu at the cafe is a little bitter on the tongue.